Writing a Harry Potter Novel for Dummies
by awkward
Summary: In an undetermined place, on an undetermined year, an indescribable boy did magic of little description. The indescribable boy and his friends of undetermined name and number quickly fell into a plot of no importance involving the Dark Chocolate Arts.
1. The plotless begining

Harry is a wizard. He didn't know for a while. Then he did  
  
Harry looked around his room. He was always in his room at the start of a novel, because he liked it there. It was very nice and claustrophobic. "Whine, whine, whine." He remarked to his owl. The owl made a last feeble attempt at escape, but its efforts were futile. Harry went downstairs to create a plot.  
  
Aunt Petunia, in typical housewife style, had made a meal. This was quite an accomplishment due to the extremely flat nature of her character. It is difficult to move when flat. Dudley, her son, was also flat but luckily he was fat enough to compensate. He rolled into the room and got Harry in trouble because that was his job.  
  
Harry's uncle turned purple, despite his lack of magical ability, and locked Harry somewhere horrifying. He enjoyed tormenting Harry, and called it his hobby. Knitting was much too precise, and being a drill salesman left him with a lot of spare time.  
  
Harry whined for a while and then preformed some magic, because he is a wizard and we could have forgotten if he didn't do magic often enough. Harry then went shopping, so that we could meet his friends before school started. Harry went to an alley that was really a very large street... or a small town.  
  
"Nag, nag, nag." Said Harry's friend Hermione, the female friend he had to draw in a larger female audience. Ron blundered through a stupid line that, somehow, the author felt represented a youth sidekick's dialogue. Hagrid said something to the effect of 'later a plot twist will involve me'. Everyone went home happy because of his or her low observational skills.  
  
Harry went packed at home, and then went to school. All of this was described in exquisite detail.  
  
The Sorting Hat, an animate object that showed the magic in the school (in case we had forgotten Harry was a wizard) sang. For a long, long time. Once again delightful, extraneous magic was shown when food appeared from nowhere. The main character's less than average observational skills came in handy, as a looming evil was revealed and ignored.  
  
"Hey, you have glasses, Harry." Ron exclaimed. He then stuffed his face because it's funny when the hero's friends are 'stupid' and eat a lot. 


	2. The second plotless chapter

*Author's notes*: Sorry for taking so long, I got writers block. Anyways, a few actual notes. I guess some people were confused because I'm not good at explanations. This isn't a parody of Sorcerers Stone (but you can pretend it is if you want). It's supposed to be a generalization of all the Harry Potter novels. Which I don't own, by the way... in case you hadn't noticed that through my preschool level writing skills and extreme lack of inspiration. I'd also like to apologize profusely, just in case I suddenly begin writing in a new style; this happens to me often, especially since I haven't added to this in a while. On with the story...  
  
==== In a thoroughly indescribably twist of fate, Harry and his friends were in all the same classes. This was mainly due to the schools puzzling 'house' system. The school had four houses, two of which were important. Slytherine was formed of evil reptilian mutants, and Gryffindor was home to many a brave hearted, talented, much loved group of rag-tag young heroes. The other two houses barely existed, other than to provide random opponents in the complicated game of quidditch.  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione magically went to their magical classes to magically learn of magical things. Much magic was involved. It magically was very magically exciting, but magically inadequately described. Harry had some magically interesting magical interactions with his magical professors while they magically ignored their magically magical teaching responsibilities. Magic, magic magic.  
  
After classes, Harry and his lackeys were sitting in the Gyffindor common room, not doing the homework they were assigned. Hermione, despite always having her homework completed, refused to be seen doing so, as she would be a much less interesting character.  
  
"My life sucks." Said Harry, interrupting any conversation that could have been taking place. "I need to save the school, so that people will love me. What's for dinner tonight?" The group then skipped to the dining hall so they could discus secret issues in a less confidential environment.  
  
"Let's break some school rules tomorrow, and visit Hag rid, our tall and relatively useless friend!" Ron cried, being sure that all of the school's people of authority could hear him. Harry and Hermione agreed.  
  
Magical classes magically happened again. They magically were just as magically interesting, and just as magically skipped over as they magically were the previous magical day. Harry magically was grateful for the magical opportunity to magically acquire the magical, latent ability to magically wield magic ability well magically above his magical age, so that he could magically defeat the magically most powerful magical dark wizard of all magical time.  
  
After that, they snuck out of school to see Hagrid. For some undescribed and undisputed reason, it was against the rules and they had to do it with the utmost caution. They arrived at the sad, decrepit little hut, and went through some nonsense with an angry, vicious animal.  
  
*Note to authors - to simulate Hagrid's speech, stuff three socks into your mouth and attempt to read Shakespeare. Then write down what you hear, and randomly place character names written the way a drunken Spaniard with a lisp would approximate a Scottish accent. * "'Arry ulped scorfetteringley ashterupl 'coauled Ron slje'lest." Hagrid remarked.  
  
"Let's not talk about politics. Can you give us a helpful clue to win in the fight against Voldemort, in your innocent and childlike manner?" Hermione said. Hagrid did so, and the three left him sadly alone, once again, in his twig house. Such was the plot twist, which was really more of the plot turning it's head to the side, seeing a long and difficult road to travel, and continuing on it's predicted course.  
  
==  
  
Such is the end of a short chapter. 


	3. And so begins the 'plot'

*Author's Notes* : Ok, so finding my muse has been slightly harder than I thought. Good news, I discovered the 'plot' recently. Now we can have some nice conflict. Thank you to all my lovely reviewers, you make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside... I'm sure you know the feeling. On with the story, whose characters are not mine... you knew that, don't lie. I also don't own Cadbury or the Caramilk chocolate bar, but I wish I had one. They're excellent.  
  
==== In the warm and comfortable Gryffindor common room, two students sat by a crackling fire. The young, bushy haired girl smiled and sipped her warm cocoa, taking pleasure in the silence of good friendship.  
  
"Next weekend there's a visit to Hogsmeade." The red headed boy beside her commented. "I was wondering if you wanted..."  
  
"Hey Ron, Hermione, I've been looking for you everywhere!" Harry called as he ran into the room. His two friends rolled their eyes and turned to face him. "I just got a great idea for a prank we can pull on the Slytherins while they're at Hogsmeade." The boy's friends walked to lunch with him, trying to explain that they would also be at Hogsmeade, and many of the younger students would be in the school anyways.  
  
"So you're saying some first year would see us and get us in trouble? I thought you said we would be on the trip!" Harry almost burst into tears. His friends were always lying to him.  
  
"Have something to eat, Harry." Hermione guided him to an empty seat and took a place beside him. Ron piled food onto his plate, his tranquility gone with Harry's appearance. He always had to be a 'guy' around everyone.  
  
"I wonder how they get the caramel inside Caramilks." Everyone stared at Harry, except for Ron, who was busy eating. Harry stroked his chin and looked at the ceiling. "It must be one of Voldmort's plans for world domination!" Some students at the Gryffindor table shifted slightly away from Harry, trying to look inconspicuous. Harry ran out of the hall, oblivious to everyone. Ron took the opportunity to pile Harry's food onto his plate.  
  
A few days later, everyone had forgotten the incident, as most book characters are apt to do. They were in their Potions class, surprisingly making a potion. The Gryffindors had this class with Slytherins, because the teacher favored the rival house and a lot of conflict could be made from this arrangement. The headmaster scheduled courses, and he liked conflict. He liked it a lot...  
  
"Do not add any of the ingredients until the potion is simmering. If your potion is still boiling, turn down your heat and allow it to thicken. Any additions at this point would be catastrophic." Their sinister professor glared at the class, as a student predictably dumped all of the ingredients into a bubbling cauldron. "I hate this class, with a passion." He declared, as a small explosion rocked the room.  
  
"We know you love us, Snape!" Called the cheerful student who caused the explosion, and the teacher cried into his hands. A second explosion opened a deep crater in the stone floor.  
  
Harry decided this was the perfect opportunity to discuss his newest theory with his friends. "I researched the history of magic in the candy and chocolate industry." He gave them each a ten-page report, with indexes and a pie chart. "This outlines the important details, as well as the involvement of Voldmort and his followers in the Cadbury company."  
  
Hermione stared at him. "This is what you were doing the last week? What about your homework Harry! Why don't you put effort into school, and forget about saving the world for once! What use is the world without an education?" At this point she was screaming at the top of her lungs. She then dropped to the floor, unconscious due to lack of oxygen. Ron stepped over her body and grabbed a copy of the report.  
  
"The Dark Chocolate Arts; Voldmort in the Confectionary Industry." He read the title apprehensively. "This is going to make me really hungry. I'll save it for dinner."  
  
"Get out of my classroom, I can't take it anymore!" Professor Snape screamed at the class. Harry noticed his desk was broken in half, and the books from his shelves were scattered around the room. Snape pushed away a student attempting to give him a hug, and ran screaming from the room.  
  
"What's with that guy!" Harry muttered. "He really needs to lighten up." Harry and Ron then left for their next class, Herbology.  
  
Hermione moaned on the floor. "I'll be late for class!" She pulled herself towards the door and down the hallway.  
  
==== 


	4. Everyone else has a deam sequence, and I...

*Author's Notes*: This will (for the good of the world) be the longest gap between updates. I don't want to be one of those every-five-months authors, putting off their stories so they get more reviews per chapter. Stupid authors, with their busy lives and good writing. I don't own the characters, when they're in their right minds, but since this is a parody I can own their alter egos (of the same name and general appearance). Wait... I can't. Fine, all I own is a happy-face key and some used matches. You can't have they key, because really it's for a house I don't own, but I'd be happy to be rid of the matches. Yes the story... fine, have it.  
  
==== Harry looked around the room. The shimmering colours and intense shadows showed him that this was the obligatory dream sequence. A deep, morphed voice confirmed his suspicion.  
  
"Add The Ingredient, my minion. Add it good." A sinister looking white face with creepy red eyes and an equally creepy maniacal grin hovered above him. Harry decided that he would send Voldemort a gift certificate for a tanning salon for Christmas, and checked him off of a list marked 'Christmas Presents for Evil Nemeses'.  
  
With a murmur of "One down, three to go." Harry looked back at the scene before him. The man formerly known as Peter Pettigrew, and now generally called Wormtail by those who knew of his existence, was emptying the contents of a very sinister looking cauldron into a large vat of chocolate. How very sinister thought Harry.  
  
A bad-guy-laugh seemed to grab hold of Voldemort at that moment, and then proceeded to pick him up and shake him upside down. It turned out that he had fifty-three cents and a piece of string in his pocket. Harry wondered why so many stories and cartoons had characters with string in their pockets when nobody actually carried string around. Voldemort, upright once more, grabbed the bad-guy-laugh right back and cried out with a deep, bellowing voice, "Muahahahahaha". For ages. And ages. And Harry fell asleep inside his dream, only to wake up in the 'real' world. Really it was fictional but he wasn't supposed to know that.  
  
==   
  
"Oww scar! Why do I always wake up in pain!?" Harry clutched his forehead as he complained of his many misfortunes. His roommates cursed him and rolled over, falling asleep with practiced speed. Disappointed with the lack of sympathy, Harry decided to go on an ill-advised midnight adventure to follow up his dream.  
  
Under the guise of his invisibility cloak Harry crept down to the Gryffindor common room. He tippy-toed around various items of furniture towards the portrait hole. Reaching out, Harry grasped the handle to push open the door. Readers everywhere groaned, knowing that the detail in the previous sentence meant something was about to happen.  
  
Harry screamed as a loud, buzzing alarm rang through the tower. A few minutes later, sleepy-eyed children came down the stairs to find the famed Harry Potter swinging from the ceiling in a net over a silvery invisibility cloak. Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore soon arrived and awarded Harry with a detention.  
  
"Do you really think we would let you traipse all over the school, when you're in such danger? Voldemort could attack any day now. You just aren't safe Harry, we have to protect you from yourself." Dumbledore and his many personalities lectured a chastised Harry. With a mumbled apology, Harry the Hero went off to play chess with Ron and eat a sinister looking chocolate bar.  
  
"Harry, stop that!" Hermione reached out and snatched the chocolate bar that was inches from Harry's gaping mouth. The look of annoyance on his face was quickly replaced with relief.  
  
"Thanks, Hermione, that was close! I completely forgot about my diet, that would have done horrible things to my sleek athletic physique." Harry looked at his short scrawny body with admiration. Many readers suddenly noticed that all the fan fiction they read described the short-by-canon Harry as towering over even Ron. They died in horror, and we must mourn for them.  
  
"No, Harry, I stopped you from eating that because I actually read your report on Voldemort and Caramilks." Harry looked up at Hermione with the blankest look he had ever given. "The report with the pie chart? A lot of good citations?" Harry's eyes glazed over, and after a few minutes of staring into the distance he turned back to his chess game. Hermione only sighed, and shook her head. Sighed, and shook her head...  
  
====  
  
That's right, repetition. How melodramatic am I? Very. Ha ha ha! I've decided to finally acknowledge my reviewers. In order now;  
  
Jessierose: Thank you for welcoming me. I continued. I liked that line too! Thank you for noticing something at the beginning of a chapter, I know how very hard that is.  
  
Spikey the Neon Blowfish: Thank you for reviewing so faithfully. I'm glad you agree with me on the many... ok few... things you mentioned. I hope I've answered your first question already. Enjoy this chapter.  
  
Hot Cocoa: I should probably just tell you this, but I'm writing it into my fic. Anyways. Since your computer won't let you review, why don't you email me what you WOULD write. I could even put it in for you as an unsigned review. Just a thought, because you always have such good constructive criticism.  
  
Pink Watermelon: Thank you so much, it makes me happy to know that I made you laugh. I liked using 'magic' so much, it brought me an odd sense of pleasure.  
  
Four Eyed Snail: Once again, glad I made you laugh! Or at least giggle. I'm also writing short sentences. That's ok, sentence fragments are much more fun than proper sentences, though they're quite a bit less fun than run on sentences.  
  
Nixiy: Thank you so much. What exactly is true? Is Voldemort truly involved in the confectionary industry? Is Harry really an immature and disruptive, oblivious little boy? Does Hagrid really talk like he has socks in his mouth? The answer to the above questions is Yes.  
  
I hope you all enjoy this chapter, because if you don't I'm going to give this up. It makes me guilty, due to extreme lengths of time between updates. 


	5. Unrelated Occurrences

*Author's Notes*: I was temporarily insane when I considered not continuing this, it will probably go on as long as I have "ideas" for it. If something about the books always bugged you, tell me and I'll try and write it in, because I'm running on empty at all times.  
  
Fan fiction has decided that, now that I actually have a long chapter name, they're only going to display part of it! I love when a whole site is changed just for my sake. Here's a list of the chapters, to date;  
  
Chapter 1 - The Plotless Begining  
  
Chapter 2 - The Second Plotless Chapter  
  
Chapter 3 - And So Begins The 'Plot'  
  
Chapter 4 - Everyone Else Has A Dream Sequence, And I['m Just A Follower, Though Mine Isn't At The Begining At Least]  
  
From now on, the title will be on the page to be safe in the case that fanfiction decides we only get one letter.  
  
Other formatting updates: Fanfic no longer supports the less than sign, apparently, so I changed my page breaks. I apologize for the hideousness, but I have very little to work with. The ANs are supposed to be on new lines with one return separating new paragraphs, but fanfiction interpreted this as once giant paragraph, somehow. I'm sorry about the huge spacing, but it was just ugly.  
  
In other news, Cocoa recently posted an HP parody comic we're co-authoring at the URL on my profile. Feel free to check it out and tell me how horrible of an artist I am. I'm Essa, by the way, on that site.  
  
In the disclaimer section, I don't own it.  
  
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\ Chapter 5 - Unrelated Occurrences //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//  
  
In which I finally get around to writing Draco into the story.  
  
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Harry was squinting in concentration, his whole being hanging on his next move. This could make or break him, he knew, and with this in mind he carefully made a decision. His opponent took a sharp breath, and Harry knew he had one. With pride and conviction, he declared his masterful victory.  
  
"Tic tac toe," he began, and looked askance with what he believed was a 'James Bond' look, "three in a row." With a flourish he made a dark line through three 'O's on the parchment, which Ron promptly got all over his nose as he tried to bury his head in the table.  
  
Their teacher soon dismissed the class, and the Gryffindor Trio, as they were sometimes (mockingly) called, packed up their things.  
  
"What did I tell you about playing games in class!" Hermione cried as she scrubbed the inkblot from Ron's nose.  
  
"You very distinctly said 'word games', Hermione, so we stopped playing hangman ages ago. Besides, the teachers always pass me, I'm Harry Potter, boy hero and Dumbledore's favorite student." Harry held his head high, and an obedient ray of sun shone on him from a conveniently placed window. This was ill advised, as they were now walking down the hall, and he promptly fell over an extended leg and toppled down three flights of conveniently placed stairs. As he scrambled with heroic grace from the floor, he noticed a ghostly white presence in front of him, the presence of...  
  
"Christmas Past! But I have so much holiday spirit!" Harry exclaimed quite stupidly. He then regained his composure, which had tried to escape the pitiful being that was Harry Potter, as he recognized... "Draco Malfroy."  
  
"There's no 'r' in my name, Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Potterrrrrrrrrrrr. I'm evil, and to prove this I carry an annoyingly unpronounceable name. You think it's simple, but boy, are you wrong! Muahahaha!" Draco tilted his head back and laughed with evil pleasure. Crabe and Goyle, arriving late, simply looked confused and out of place in the tete a tete before them.  
  
"Harry, are you alright?" Ron crashed down the stairs, looking frantic and late. Hermione followed him at a slightly more composed pace, but both had a 'just been snogging' dishevelment about them.  
  
"I'm fine, now that I have you guys here to back me up. Let's take on Malfr... Malfoy's gang once and for all!" Harry thrust his wand into the air with determination, and a few stray sparks scattered on the group of enemies. One caught Crabe in the eye, and he fell to the ground in the fetal position.  
  
"Harry, we aren't in a 50's gang movie, or even a 18th century dueling movie. You're going to have to fight Malfr... Malfoy with words. We do have children in the audience." Hermione reasoned with Harry, and after a few hours he began to understand the idea of a battle of wits.  
  
"You suck, Malfr... Malfoy. And you smell bad." Harry spat, being at his wittiest at this time of day.  
  
Draco looked at him with utter contempt. "You're such a poopy-head, Harry." He tossed imaginary hair over his shoulder by flipping his head to the side and said, "Let us go, boys." The three pivoted simultaneously on their right heels, and several spectators wondered when they found time to choreograph exits. Draco then sashayed off into the distance with his loyal thugs.  
  
"He has great dancer's legs..." Hermione said wistfully, watching the departing trio, and Ron glared at her. Harry just nodded; staring in awe at the corner his opponent had just turned.  
  
"How can I ever beat someone with such an extensive vocabulary." Harry whined, but his friends quickly steered him towards the great hall before he came up with a plan. None of the students questioned the convenience of the mealtime, as they got to eat as much dessert as they wanted.  
  
"Try the new chocolate flavored sugar cubes, Ron, they're excellent. Or should I say wicked?" A first year grinned, and Harry gagged at the sight of her rotted brown teeth. Ron blushed at the girl's obvious and unexplainable crush on him, while Hermione tried to place the anonymous character.  
  
"Sleeping with the director." A jealous extra murmured to themselves, and sat at the farthest corner from the main characters with a plate of plastic food props.  
  
Ron and Harry left the great hall to play wizards chess while Hermione lectured a group of first years on proper dental hygiene. None of the characters questioned the name of the game, despite the fact that wizards would consider it normal chess. Conveniently, anything makes sense if you learn it from childhood... at least that's what 'they' say.  
  
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I'm way too lazy to put accents on tete a tete. This is short because I wrote it all in one sitting (apart from some of the ANs)  
  
RoseTheNinth: I'm so sorry that someone in fanfiction admin deleted only my comment to you from the middle of my last chapter read - I'm illiterate and skipped over your name I'm glad you actually think this is funny, and I won't stop.  
  
XxDragon Princess NikkixX: I can't tell if I like or hate it either. My writing style definitely is unique, unto itself. It changes if I stop writing for over ten minutes, which leads to great inconstancies. It has to do with me thinking things through as I write, as well as when I pause. It's very complicated and fake and I'm sure you're interested, so send a self-addressed envelope to [note is too long, so I'm cutting it short now]. Thanks, and I will continue.  
  
Casus Fere: I'm not that insane. *Eye twitches* I actually twitched my eye. There is a measure of my sanity. Though... I did it of my own free will, after typing, because I like to make my actions true. I hope you like this chapter, too.  
  
SecretDestiny13: I shall, thanks.  
  
Samara: I actually laugh like that. I think I'm the only person who does. It's actually freaky, but at least it's rare. I'm proud to say that I don't have a mua at the beginning of my laugh, which makes me certainly good.  
  
Foureyedsnail: That was freaky, I've read some of the books seven times and I can't quote things like that. Kind of cool freaky, though. Do it again, do it again! I've realised that Dumbledore is nowhere in my fic, except for one sentence about 'the headmaster', which doesn't even name him. I'll write him in next chapter, if I can.  
  
Spikey the Neon BlowFish: Thanks, that's what I was going for! I just thought of all those bad cartoons where they go up with an audible WOOOSH, and hang from empty sky in a net like no other. The title, unfortunately, got cut off, but it's here for all to see now (see top).  
  
rebekah1: The house commentary is actually my favourite part of this whole story so far. Actually I think that's my favourite chapter, too. I don't like the first, I was going somewhere totally different with that, and I'm glad it changed.  
  
Miss Piratess: You've changed your name, and now my reply from last chapter is thrown off. *Sigh* No matter. It was sinister, wasn't it, like those moustache guys from the black and white movies where the girl is tied to train tracks... ah, the classics. He does need it, and I'm glad you noticed that sentence. I'm always worried people won't understand the inflections I hear when I type this.  
  
nkittyhawk: I really wonder how JKR would react to some of the parodies in fanfiction. I think I can imagine that reaction, though. I've read the books way too many times (7, 2 or 3, 5, 3 or 4 and once, respectively), does it really show that badly? If you try the thing with the socks make sure they're clean, I don't want to be held responsible for any injury from foot-fumes. Tell me if you remember what you were going to say, once your brain gets back. You should have used UPS, I guess. I'm not very knowledgeable about the different shipping companies.  
  
This feels like reviewing my own story, which will give me an inflated ego and I'm already mildly ill, so good bye for now, my lovely readers, and I hope to hear more from you. These comments seem to generate more feedback, which is good. I live for it, and actually can't write without it. It's all part of a complicated physics equation that I don't know. Next chapter I promise to exert some self-control and keep them to a minimum because they must be boring for those of you who aren't the person I'm replying to. Au revoir. 


	6. Expected Events

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Author's Note: Welcome to the twisted world of Me. I'm having problems uploading, but that's ok, because I can just write. I don't own this, despite all the indications that I do. Really, I don't. Written in two days, so it could be better. Beta, anyone? I'll just end up stealing your ideas but we could work something out.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 6 : Expected Events -- In which the inevitable happens  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The-Boy-Who-Lived stretched his body as far as he could and tensed his legs. With a deep breath, he pushed off from the ground as hard as he could, pulling the top of his body forwards. He let out a deep, quiet grunt as he willed himself towards his goal, pushing a weight half the size of his own body before him. His teammates pressed their own weight down into their brooms, calling out to him in encouragement.  
  
Squeaky squeaky.  
  
The sound of their brooms echoed through the hall, tweaking the nerves of every spectator and player in the room. Harry cleared his throat and, upon seeing his rock beginning to slow, screamed with every ounce of being he had.  
  
"HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDD" His scream drowned out the squeaking of the tiny foam padded brooms, and the roaring of the crowd. Many in the audience blinked in surprise and re-evaluated the small boy who made such a loud cry.  
  
Draco Malfr... Malfoy, at the opposite side of the sheet, simply stood casually and observed the struggling Gryffindors. Tension grew as the rock approached the circles in the far end of the ice, inching slowly towards a granite lump with a green handle.  
  
Clink. A tiny sound much like a toast made with wine glasses was the unsatisfying conclusion to the furious attempts of the Gryffindor team. The rocks collided, and the red-topped weight came to a stop at the edge of the targeted circles. Half of the audience let out disappointed sighs with the other exploded into applause.  
  
After a few minutes of cheering, the headmaster, sitting in the centre of the stands stood up with a sombre expression and a hush fell over the crowd. Students turned expectantly to the tall figure as he took a long, loud sip of his coffee and brushed crumbs from his beard. He looked gravely at the players on the ice, and adjusted the fuzzy pink earmuffs he was wearing for eccentricity's sake. The anticipations dragged out over several minutes and some of the students in the back shifted on the uncomfortable benches.  
  
"I'm glad that the school has taken so well to our 'Sports of the World' campaign. Hopefully, wizards with diversify their athletic interests more over the coming years. It is a dark time, indeed, so we should be focusing on lighter thoughts. Narf." His last word, muttered under his breath, startled the few around him who could hear it, however most of the students were blissfully unaware.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After quickly changing out of his new curling robes, Harry found his reliable best friends and the Trio departed to the Gryffindor common room. Their housemates, with defeated sighs, obediently cleared out of the room so the three could make secret plans and associate only with each other. A confused Neville was the last to be pushed out, the picture of the crudely- named Fat Lady hitting him on his way out.  
  
"What are we going to do now?" Harry asked his friends in a truly whiny voice. Ron simply shrugged and Hermione barely looked up from her book. "I wish we had TV in the wizard world, or at least SOMETHING like that." Harry sunk into a deep couch and moaned.  
  
"We could make an illegal potion in the girls bathroom!" Ron sat up straighter. "Wait, we did that in second year. Well, we could make fun of Malfr... Malfoy's dad, for being a death eater."  
  
Harry shrugged again. "We do that all the time. Hey, what if we dress up in drag and do a musical in the great hall?"  
  
Ron stared at Harry in shock and fear. Hermione actually looked up at him from her book. They quickly shook their heads and moved on.  
  
"We could become animagi." Ron spoke with little conviction. Harry shrugged, once again, and Ron shook his head in agreement. "Yeah, it takes too much work."  
  
Hermione sighed. "I'm never going to learn with you two going on like that. Why don't you just go practice quidditch." She spoke from behind her book, once again, and finished with a hand waving towards the portrait hole.  
  
Both of the Gryffindors' eyes lit up, and they gasped in astonishment at the (obvious) decision. They raced off with hurried thanks, almost forgetting brooms in their hurry.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What do we do now?" It was after dinner, and the Trio were in the common room, again. It was empty, again. They were bored. Again. Hermione sighed. She looked around the common room. She sighed, again. Ron scratched his nose. Harry stared at him, as he had never seen anyone scratch their nose in public, in a book. Ron was oblivious, and Hermione was distracted by an interesting spot on the wall.  
  
Suddenly the door to the common room flew across the room, hitting a group of first years and pinning them to the floor. Seamus ran into the room, followed closely by Dean and Lavender. For good measure, Neville ran into the room, followed by the Weasly twins and Ginny. All of them ran over to the Trio in the corner, grinning broadly.  
  
"You'll never guess what Dumbledore just announced!" Seamus was the first to speak, because the author liked him. "There's a field trip tomorow! To America!" The others nodded vigerously.  
  
Harry looked at his two best friends. "Finally, we get some plot and/or conflict for the year!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Reviewers:  
  
Sue H, Spikey the Neon Blowfish, hydrangea, nkittyhawk, Ivory Tower, Vanyaria Darkshadow, Livie, someone who didn't bother to put a name, ScruffyWes, Foureyedsnail, Hot Cocoa  
  
Various Responses:  
  
Snickers are better than Three Musketeers, I know this and I've never had a Three Musketeers. The last line of chapter one seems to be a hit, I'll keep that in mind. I am, indeed, a girl - despite any vicious rumours out there *glares*. I didn't even notice the 'R' in Draco, but I think it works for his character... should I change it, anyone?  
  
That's all for now, and I hope the next chapter will be better, I don't like this one at all. I'll have to just try harder, won't I. 


	7. Important New Version Soon

»«»«»«»«»«¤»«»«»«»«»« Writing a Harry Potter Novel for Dummies »«»«»«»«»«¤»«»«»«»«»«  
  
Introduction  
  
When most stories are written, the author will begin with a plot outline. This could involve some ideas jotted on paper, an idea web, or simply thinking the plot through in their mind. The next step is to write the story, usually from the beginning through to the end. This is edited, and in some cases re-written.  
  
This is not the case, however, with Harry Potter (HP) novels. In an HP novel, the process is so different that we have compiled this guide to give authors insight into the creation of such unique works. In this guide, we have outlined the process, characters and typical events. An example has been created to illustrate the final product, and a footnote style index identifies key points of this example for your benefit. Hopefully this will help you, the aspiring HP author, create your own interesting and genuine Harry Potter novel.  
  
We wish you the best of luck,  
  
The Association for the Simplification of the HP Writing Process  
  
»«»«»«»«»«¤»«»«»«»«»«  
  
Author's Note (Important):  
  
That's right, I'm beginning again. Due to the extreme change of direction this story has made, I'm viciously editing the story and posting it again. This will be the introduction... and until I finish the first chapter/section/whatever I make it, this will be all that I put up. It could take me a few weeks. The "example" will be what I have so far - or at least the beginning of such - completed.  
  
Thank you to everyone who has read what I have so far, especially those who have reviewed (Miss Piratess, ScruffyWes, nkittyhawk, Hot Cocoa, Sue H, Beauty-Queen1979, Foureyedsnail, G.I.R13, and Rowenna since ch.6). Thank you to Rowenna for being honest and helping me notice the lack of direction I have. I hope I don't disappoint all of you in changing this, and I promise to try and keep the non-story part as brief as possible.  
  
»«»«»«»«»«¤»«»«»«»«»« 


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